Things You Learn from having Children.

THINGS YOU LEARN FROM HAVING KIDS* A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.* If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.* A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.* If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.* You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.* The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.* When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.* Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.* A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. * Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.* Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.* Super glue is forever.* No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.* Pool filters do not like Jell-O.* VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.* Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.* Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.* You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.* Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.* The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.* The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.* It will, however, make cats dizzy.* Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.* 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.* 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.